Are you feeding the beast inside? It’s a question we often ask ourselves but rarely take the time to answer. It’s important to look at our behavior and to understand if we’re providing what’s known as “narcissistic supply”- the attention and admiration one person may give to another. In this article, we’ll examine whether you’re providing this kind of unfulfilling and ultimately damaging supply, and ways you can stop if it’s become the norm.

1. Is Your Need for Attention a Sign of Something Deeper?

It’s natural to crave attention. After all, it feels wonderful to be praised, accepted, and loved. But there are times when our desire for attention has the potential of becoming an obsession. Constantly seeking out approval is a sign of something deeper going on beneath the surface.

• Do You Deny Your Own Feelings? Is it hard for you to express your emotions? Do you deny their existence and instead focus on other people’s reactions?
• Are You Reliant on the Opinions of Others? Does your behavior change drastically once someone expresses a different view? Do you feel your self-worth is measured by the attention you receive from others?
• Do You Struggle to Establish Healthy Boundaries? Do people take advantage of you? Are you unable to protect your boundaries or say no in certain situations?

Oftentimes, the need for attention is a symptom of an underlying issue. It could be a low self-esteem or suppressed emotions that are trying to make their way out. Paying attention to your own feelings and establishing healthy boundaries can help you work through any unresolved issue. This way, you can start taking responsibility for your life and build a healthier relationship with yourself.

2. Understanding What Narcissistic Supply is and How it Affects You

Narcissistic supply is the emotional energy a narcissist obtains from their relationships. The primary source of narcissistic supply will come in the form of admiration, attention and validation. A narcissist’s goal is to take from a person until they are no longer able to offer them anything of value, so they can find someone else to fulfil their needs.

Getting caught up in a narcissistic cycle can be incredibly draining and dizzying. You may be left feeling emotionally exhausted, drained, or confused. It’s important to understand the effects of narcissistic supply as it can cause significant damage to your self-esteem and happiness.

• Manipulation: A narcissist may manipulate you emotionally in order to get what they desire from you. They may guilt trip or make you feel inadequate in order to get what they want.
• Denial: Narcissists may deny their role in certain situations or even deny the existence of certain facts in order to maintain their desired perception of themselves.
• Lack of Accountability: Narcissists tend to refuse to take responsibility for their actions and expect you to always take blame for their mistakes.

3. Recognizing If You’re Feeding Narcissistic Supply in Your Relationships

The question of, “Am I feeding into a narcissist’s ego?” is something that can haunt us in relationships. Here are some warning signs that indicate you may be part of a one-sided dynamic:

• You’re Being Repeatedly Criticized: If your partner often makes harsh comments about you and refuses to acknowledge your point of view, it may be a sign that you’re dealing with a narcissist. Unwarranted criticism is a hallmark of this kind of relationship dynamic.
• You’re Always Expected to Pay: If you’re constantly expected to cover most expenses — be it dinner or a weekend away — it may be a signal that your partner has a sense of entitlement. Emotional manipulators are often looking for a quick fix.
• Conversations Are One-Sided: If you find yourself often giving in to your partner’s debates, even when there is disagreement, it may be a sign of a false sense of power. Narcissistic supply is a one-way street, often leaving the partner feeling helpless and unheard.

This unhealthy dynamic is often a learned behavior, a pattern we are familiar with since childhood. Taking a closer look at these patterns, grounding yourself, and reaching out for support can help you to identify if you’re feeding into this cycle. Seek advice from a trusted individual and remember that self-care is essential.

4. Ways to Break Free From Regarding Narcissistic Supply as Needs

Forge a connection with things outside the narcissist. Stop believing that narcissistic supply is necessary to fulfil your needs or that the narcissist ought to be the one to provide it. Conquer the feeling of being tied to the narcissist by exploring and partaking in hobbies that lie beyond the narcissist’s control; connect with a community that isn’t linked to the narcissist.

Start actively practising resilience. Build a wall of self-confidence; strengthen it by believing in yourself and your own abilities. Recognize that the lack of narcissistic supply is no indication of your self-worth. Cut toxic people out of your life and be the one to disconnect. Take part in activities that empower you, that make you feel capable and capable of standing by yourself without the need for narcissistic supply.

• Extend your focus to activities beyond the narcissist.
• Develop resilience and self-belief
• Remove toxic people from your life
• Participate in activities which empower you

The effects of narcissistic supply can be long-lasting, and it can be difficult to free yourself of it once it has taken hold. But through mindfulness and compassion, it is possible to recognize signs of it in our lives and to reclaim our power over our own narratives. With careful thought and a little love, we can create a world in which everyone can flourish without the toxic side effects of narcissistic supply.